Back to the Reviews

Back to American Movies

Hellboy

Synopsis:

A boy devil gets brought into our world accidentally by some Nazi whackos. Before they can bring the end of the world, some Americans stop them and discover a little baby devil. The scientist in the group takes care of the creature and we jump to the present day where we find out that Hellboy (Ron Perlman) ages differently than you and me and is now in his "twenties."

Hellboy is a part of a secret government organization that fights against creatures that go "bump in the night." Some of the people in this organization don't like Hellboy and think he should be eliminated just like the critters he himself kills or contains.

Finally, the Nazis from earlier show up and start wreaking havoc again. It's up to Hellboy to prevail.

Review:

First off, I went into this movie kind of excited. I'd seen the trailer and it looked pretty cool, but I also had some misgivings due to stuff I'd heard about it. Mental note: Never think that a movie will be great because the trailer was good!

A lot of the movie is just uninspired. You can predict most everything that happens, although Hellboy falling in love with a chick that spontaneously combusts was a mixed surprise. Oddly enough, her blue flame burns everything except clothes. Very odd.

But back to the story. So, Hellboy is all grown up and this Nazi dude has been resurrected by his love of the forties. His name is Grigori Rasputin (Karel Roden) and he's brought to life by the blood of a dead guy. Ilsa (Biddy Hodson), his girl, is some whacked chick that does not age. No one explains this. Maybe Nazi girls or chicks that love crazy people don't get old. Who knows!?

Anyway, he's back from the dead and him and his puppet, Kroenen (the Clockwork Nazi) go to a museum and release a critter called Sammael. For some reason, whenever it gets killed, two more resurrect. This also isn't explained, although you do hear Rasputin say something like "two from one" when he brings it back from the dead. 

It seems Rasputin wants to immobilize Hellboy so that Rasputin  can use Hellboy. Eventually, Rasputin appears in Hellboy's girlfriend's (her name is Liz) room. How does that dude walk through walls or appear or disappear into and out of thin air!? I guess since he can die and return, he has special paranormal powers. Well, he smooches Liz (Selma Blair) and she lights up her current residence. I take from this that one should not kiss girls, especially when they're asleep.

She ends up unharmed and in the care of Hellboy's organization. We can only speculate that all the other people in that place where she used to live got burned up, but that they had plenty of clothing to give to Goodwill.

Hellboy and his sidekick, Abraham 'Abe' Sapien (a "Creature From the Black Lagoon" rip-off played by Doug Jones) go hunting the Sammael since they know it probably laid eggs. They meet up with a few of the nasty things as well as that Clockwork (Ladislav Beran) ninja freak. Nazi-boy kills a few people and then "dies." Abe gets his butt kicked, but survives as does Hellboy.

Soon Nazi-boy is being checked out by Hellboy's "father," Prof. Broom (John Hurt). Broom leaves and Nazi-boy gets up and follows him. This scene is nasty as the guy has no blood, only dust in his veins and because he has no eyes and his eyes bug out. Why does he live? 'Cause this is a comic book movie. Broom yaps with Rasputin and then Clockwork kills Broom. 

Well, this ticks off Hellboy and he ends up using a clue to go hunt those freaks out. Of course, a bunch of FBI agents go with him as well as Liz. They all get separated and Hellboy gets stuck with a whiny upper FBI agent. Bleh. Liz and Hellboy's caretaker/friend, John Myers (Rupert Evans) are surrounded by more Sammael's and H-boy comes to the rescue. 

Finally we get to the big kicker in the show. Everybody gets captured because no one can handle that many Sammaels and Rasputin reveals his plan. He wants Hellboy to open a gate to Hell and create a new Eden for him. This makes no sense whatsoever and here are the reasons why:

1. Why is there a gate here that can be opened to Hell (or wherever this place is) is in the first place?

2. How can it be designed for Hellboy's hands which are the keys? Hellboy came here as a baby and no one knew how he would grow, and yet his paws fit perfectly.

3. Why does Hellboy's real name break chains and how would H-boy even know what it was?

4. In a vision, we see an apocalypse, which is supposed to represent what will happen if the gate was opened. How is this an Eden? And since Hellboy is the boss of this dump and the vision shows no sign of Rasputin and his wrench, why in the world does he want it?

Oh well. Watch and be amazed at the senselessness of it all. Hellboy opens the gate, then changes his mind and breaks his horns off somehow. He stabs Rasputin and Razzy splits open to release a Kracken (you know, that evil sea monster that looks like a giant squid). Hellboy is promptly swallowed and blows it up from the inside. This was an exceedingly boring/dumb anti-climax.

Of course, just a few minutes earlier, Rasputin had sucked Liz's soul out of her and Hellboy was supposed to get it back by opening the gate. However, she didn't get it back and only later it inexplicably appears. What the!?

The Good Stuff:

The Bad Stuff:

Dumb Stuff:

Hellboy had some interesting aspects, but much of it fell kind of flat for me. I like comics a lot, but I'd never heard of this guy and now I know why. This movie will appeal to the underground comic lovers and people that like anti-heroes. Go see it if you're one of those. If you have children, forget about this show.