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Fantasy Mission Force

Main Cast: Jackie Chan (AKA Jacky Chan),

Whoever wrote, produced, and directed this film must have been smoking dope. It's an awful movie! From the bad sound effects to the terrible dubbing to the atrociously bad acting, this movie just stinks!

We watch as a series of generals from different countries get kidnapped after arguing where the Japanese are. They are kidnapped by the very group of people that they were arguing about. 

Then we switch to a scene where some military people are trying to decide who to get to rescue the generals. They go through a list that includes Sylvester Stallone and 007, among others. Finally, they pick some weird captain. (I think that's his rank...)

This "Captain" goes about for the next 15-30 minutes getting together a motley crew of weird guys. One is a guy that's loaded with money. He has some kind of party and the singing is annoying and the dubbing is worse. We also see him round up a guy who escapes from a prison work crew. This guy is kind of cool in this scene and this scene only. He jumps off a cliff and swan dives into some rocks at the bottom...and survives!

There's a couple of other people that end up in the group, but they're are so bad that you'll have to see them to believe them. 

Jackie Chan is a bandit of sorts who takes orders from a chick. We first meet up with him at a wrestling tournament. He gets into a ring with a fake wrestler and we see some stuff that looks lamer than WWF. We also meet up with a fake official who takes Jackie's winnings.

Somewhere in all this is a scene which could come from the first Indiana Jones movie. It has a chick (Lily) and a guy trying to see who can drink the most and shoot the most clothes off a cute chick. WEIRD! She wins, of course. But it was a set-up and her opponent was working for her...yeah, I'm still confused about it.

Anyway, the jerk official who stole Jackie's dough is this chick's boyfriend. And he ends up getting rounded up by the Captain. This ticks Lily off because she doesn't want her man running off again. So she follows and infiltrates a base to capture him...eventually she's enlisted too.

Alright, the fools go off and get ambushed a couple of times. They end up getting captured by a group of masked marauders throwing colorful cloth streamers. They turn out to be a bunch of "Amazon"-type girls. Lily escapes and is recaptured and is freed by Jackie in the only good fight scene in the entire movie...and compared to any other Asian action movie fight scene I've seen, this one sucks! Somewhere in here, the captain guy/leader dies...

Lily goes back and frees her comrades-in-arms and they drive to a big mansion. They try to sleep there and meet up with a bunch of ghosts. This stuff is completely pointless, although slightly funny.

Finally, they get to where they're supposed to: It looks a lot like the first "fort" that Lily broke into at the beginning...except this one is full of dead people. They end up fighting an army and everyone dies...except Jackie who shows up at the last moment. He watches the captain/leader guy return (Yes! He didn't die) and kill off the rest of them...then Jackie blows him up. 'Nuff said. The generals are "rescued."

Good Stuff:

Bad Stuff:

Don't watch this movie. It isn't worth the money to rent it. If you are an ultra-hardcore Jackie Chan movie fan, buy it for your collection, but I don't recommend watching it. (Unless you want to torture your friends.)

OVERALL SCORE: 

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